Thursday, May 21, 2009

this one has been stuck in my head today....

God gave you a face that could crush a tough devotion
you left my hands no matter how hard i was holding
what kind of punishment do i expect for being distant
i don’t expect a second chance and I'm man enough to admit it

the steps i never learned, were lost in my fathers words
the chances i never gave you, were lost in my mothers journal
i use invisible ink because secrets are hard to keep
and these seven days weeks have a habit of making you weak

forget give everything again
the same traps ripped my lifeline in unforgiving shreds
so look around you and pick up any pieces you can find
but i can’t promise the big picture will be finally be right

I have memories, my roadblock, stopping a new chapter from birth
the sunny days don’t seem to outweigh the way the night hurts
faster than i watched myself become a ghost
the mirror told me lies until my ear drums burst

So i lit the short fuse, the explosion killed us all
now i sit around and wait for the season to fall
so involved in love we lost our shot, our only chance
what’s your poison baby-doll, pity or romance? 

I want this to stop, i reached out, you looked away
get out of my guilt, you’re not welcome to stay
I'm acting like we need to have one last conversation
or it’s never gonna end, gotta end the fascination

I decided When the dizziness subsides in the endless car ride
of scenery and blurry skies, i would escape that sky
chasing us around the country, outsmarting the moon
i need to get home, i need to go home soon

before the stairs and front door change places
me chasing my tail won’t seem so mundane and tasteless
the way you made life race, the passion in your face
had 50 years of trying to find a perfect pace

hiding under the constant depression of your lows and highs
i had reason, but even more i had you by my side
when midnight called us away from reading and dreams
when the blanket fell off your beautiful freezing feet

my eyes never heavy, ready for the wide awake
smash into a million pieces, when the last straw would break
the future is coming, it’s the past in a fancy dress
upset that I'm not listening or in my sunday best

You want baby talk, but orphans like me are tongue tied
30 miles from new york and you can still see the lights
hold the horizon hostage, shoot the breeze for moving
look what it cost us, look what we’re doing..... 

I want this to stop, i reached out, you looked away
get out of my guilt, you’re not welcome to stay
I'm acting like we need one last conversation
or it’s never gonna end, gotta end the fascination

All my friends are getting divorced, i was in the weddings
maybe my bad luck has a habit of spreading
It’s a vulnerable place, far from inner space
with more love than the handles surrounding your waist

I'm not going to pretend to know how you handle me
but my secret victories are your public tragedies
i’ve teaching myself how to play the drums
so i can beat the hell out of something other than my tongue

a new outlet, letting myself get out
from all traps you set up in the underground
at this level we can finally see eye to eye
but that’s because we both know how to lie

down and let our demons finally find rest
by whispering, god is the only answer to death
tough calls and night-sweats, panic driven last steps
touching on sensitive subjects and regret

these kind of songs will haunt you, but i really don’t mind
looking back on the drama makes today feel fine
drink up, three cheers for all the cheap shots
the ones you drink and the ones you caught

behind your back with your ears wide open
this is me, honest, run down, coping.....
I'm sorry for bringing it up, here’s some dirt and a shovel
bury this next to the last 2 years and all of your trouble. 

Monday, May 11, 2009

freaky sunday

The time to widen your horizons is long overdue. Your confident nature is being undermined by your current inability to interact with a brand new group of people. For some inexplicable reason, you get tongue tied when the opportunity to mingle presents itself. You wonder where your conversation skills have vanished to. This is not a comfortable time for you but you will overcome it in due time after you acclimatize yourself to your new surroundings. Be ready for an event that will take you far away from the people and lifestyle that you have grown accustomed to. It is a nerve wracking time but your confident nature will spring back into action soon.

That was my horoscope yesterday it freaked me out how true it was.

Actually it has been freaking me out a lot lately.

It's been too true too often.

I want to see a psychic.

Friday, May 1, 2009

this one gets a little serious... too soon?

So I've never really been a girly girl.
I've never had the "white picket fence, two kids and a dog" dream.
I've been telling everyone for as long as I can remember I will  never have babies, at least not of my own.
And I don't really foresee myself getting married.

My mom finally accepted all of this about a year or so ago...
One day she just looked at me and said you know, I really don't ever see you getting pregnant.
That was a refreshing moment, you know moms with daughters who are in there 20s and 30s still single, renting and still "finding themselves" tend to get the "i want to be a grandma" hints a lot.
I'm pretty lucky to have parents who aren't pushy, friends who will have babies for me to spoil, and a way to keep my values the way I want them.

I never pictured myself in the white fluffy dress and walking down the aisle.
I've never had a song that will be played at my wedding.
I've never thought about who my maid of honor would be.

I never really cared about being a bride.
I don't understand the marriage thing - I've always lived by my own set of standards.
I don't think I will settle down with one man for the rest of my life.
I just don't see that as a logical plan for myself, maybe I'm way too independent, maybe I've never been "in love" maybe I'm completely fooling myself.
I just I don't like to fall into categories.
I like being simple and living right now.

That being said.
I am 100% completely obsessed with brides with tattoos.
I google them.
I have a folder of pictures.
I love them so much.